From JD With Love - Getting Served

JD posted the below comment (on the 'You. Yes, you.' post), expanding further on the best way to get served, which I thought deserves a bit more prominence as it's excellent advice written from the staff point of view.

I think that, based on this, we can all agree that we look forward to her posting more in her own right in the future:

Here I would like to add a few little pointers from the bar staff’s point of view.

1) DO NOT wave your money at me.

It will mean that you wait much longer to get served, or (if I was the only person serving) you wouldn't get served at all. Trust me...I've done it, and I tell all the other staff not to serve you.

Its RUDE. And it’s COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE.

2) If you’re waiting to be served, or the member of bar staff is about to serve you, DO NOT explain how long you've been waiting.

The chances are you have been waiting as much, or less, time than everyone else waiting at the bar. By telling the bar staff how long you've been waiting you’re simply making a bad situation worse. Lets face it, no-one wants to wait for a drink....its a pub....you’re not there to hang about without a drink. However, at times it happens so deal with it. If you are waiting it’s likely that the bar staff are not overly happy themselves as no doubt the bar is busy thus they will be running around like headless chickens, so be polite and courtesy and your drink will get to you much quicker and if you’re lucky you may also get a smile.


A little added extra....

What to do if you’re waiting for a drink when in fact the bar isn't busy and the bar staff are chatting. Whether its right or wrong, this happens, we are all human and frankly when you have that many women in that close proximity, its going to happen. So here's what you do:

1)Your best bet is if Gareth is working. It is more than likely that he is not partaking in the girly chat....and he will also be more than happy to tell everyone else to do some bloody work.

2) If it is just girls behind the bar then you still have to be polite (I know it’s our job to serve you but as I'm sure everyone is aware....no-one likes their job all the time).

If you know the name of the bar staff then simply call them (DON'T shout....just call), in this situation they will probably make a joke about the fact that they were busy chatting but they will obviously serve you happily.

If you do not know any of the bar staff's name then simply call out ‘excuse me’, or move to where you are visible. (Again I'm not saying this is right but unfortunately it is the case and I'm simply trying to help you!)


Things that you must NOT do are:

1) Signal that you are dying of thirst (ie. hold an invisible pint glass to your mouth and stick your tongue out) - its annoying, we know you would have most likely finished your drink all of 2 seconds before.

2) Scream at the top of your voice (this is only acceptable if you’re getting completely ignored and you have tried more polite approaches. Don't get me wrong its our job, but we are not slaves)

3) Stand there waving like you’re signalling a rescue boat to you in the middle of the sea....its not that bad....as I said before, I'm sure you won't have gone so long without a drink that you’re going to dehydrate.

Rant Over. 

Isn't She Pretty

I'm not sure I'd want to drink at it, but it certainly is something.

We'll Be Gentle With You

There was a full page article in the Metro this morning about organising Christmas parties (which wasn’t actually an article but more of a full page advertisement for the Connaught Rooms – this annoyed me actually. I mean at least be honest about it. If you’re going to call your laughable rag a newspaper, at least try and maintain some basic standards of journalistic integrity, like for instance, not trying to pass off an advert as an advice piece).

Which is quite depressing really, given that it’s still only mid October.

But anyway, I thought that if this is the kind of thing that people are starting to think about then I’d offer some advice to those of you who have decided to choose the Taps for your Christmas drink up.

[Yes Civic Centre people, I’m looking at you]

1. Go somewhere else.

Oh, alright…

1. Practice. I mean it. Practice. Don’t be that amateur Christmas drinker that we all hate. Don’t just go out once a year, get completely hammered on three pints/half a bottle of wine, act like a knob, throw up on the floor and then fall asleep in the corner.

Practice.

Really, you’re allowed to go out more than once a year. No, honestly, you are. Try it. Go out on Friday in fact. Sit down at a table and have a couple of pints. Try that again the next week. You might enjoy it.

2. Do not all stand in front of the door. You are allowed in. Don’t be afraid. Go and sit at a table. Have a chat. Sing along to the songs. Wear party hats. Play drinking games. Whatever paddles your canoe.

Just don’t all stand in front of the door.

3. Do a whip. Do not individually order your drinks. Entrust your money to one person and let them order. The bar staff will thank you.

4. Don’t sit at the bar stools at the bar. Yes I know they look nice and you’ve seen people do it on Eastenders, but really don’t. Don’t make me hate you more than I already do.

And so help me God if you start using the bar stools just to put your coats and bags on….

5. Don’t throw up. Not in the pub, not in the urinals and not outside. Don’t.

6. Do not get drunk and start a fight (the one and only serious fight I’ve ever seen in the Taps was the last Friday before everyone broke up for Christmas four or five years ago – and every single person involved was a Christmas amateur drinker).

7. Be a decent human being.  Really, that's it. Christmas in the Taps is great. It's absolutely my favourite time to be in the pub. The decorations. The random short buying. The Pogues. The atmosphere. You will enjoy it.

Just be nice. That's all I ask.

Things That Made Me Laugh #1

I was in the Taps on a Monday night a few weeks ago – Gareth was working and it was just myself and Jade at the bar (until Mick and Kevin came over from the George around eleven as they usually do).

It was one of those lovely, charming, quiet weekday nights which are made for the crossword and random conversation.

Until a group of random shitheads came in, looked around and then declared to Gareth, ‘This place is so dead, yo. We’re going.’

To which Gareth shrugged and replied, ‘Good, we’re glad.’

That made me laugh.

Beer In the Evening - The George

This review of The George on 'Beer in the Evening' by some chap/lass named DrewB  is really quite good.

"The George is a bit of a paradoxical pub.

During the daylight hours the average punters are your aged downmarket Darby and Joan types, flat caps, roll ups, and a copy of the Sun for the gentlemen, bubble perms, missing teeth, and lashings of gold jewellery for the ladies. As evening descends, so does the class and age of the punters. Impossibly coloured trainers, hair gel and sports branded clothing for the men, short skirts, large hoop earrings and bright orange fake tan for the ladies, now like some kind of dystopian Logan’s Run distilled, there is no place here for the old and infirm.

Slightly run down décor, not quite enough seating, but with an above average choice of ales available, and cheaper prices to match, plus the food is also of a decent standard. The bar staff are pleasant, mostly made up of very short girls for some unknown reason. Well worth a visit for a pint and pub meal on a budget."

The 'mostly made up of very short girls for some unknown reason' part made me laugh out loud.

We Have Met The Enemy And He Is Us

It struck me the other day that there are two or even three different pubs within the Taps. By which I mean that while there are what I would call the ‘proper regulars/the taps faithful’ there are also a whole bunch of other people who likely don’t even know that we exist, and indeed vice versa, but who are also, in their own way, Taps regulars.

[A bit like the two groups of people living side by side, but invisible to another in Chine Mielville’s The City and The City ]

Or maybe that’s unfair. It's not that they're regulars ‘in their own way’ but in objective terms. I mean after all they’ve paid their dues haven’t they?

They might be the people who come in every Friday and Saturday night without fail and love the pub. Who know the staff and one another. Are friends with the doormen and the DJ, and who quite possibly have their own sense of loyalty to the pub and one another.

To them we’re just a strange bunch of sad sacks who are always sat in the corner when they come in on a Friday or Saturday night. Or worse we’re the terribly rude people sat at the bar on a Thursday night who refuse to move when they come to the bar to order their drinks.

The idea that anyone might be there when they’re not might not even occur to them. I mean after all what kind of person goes to the pub everyday after work and during the day on a weekend?

In other words then, to them they’re not the interlopers. We are.

It’s a strange thought isn’t it?

Why Would You Do That #2

Why would you, as a grown up [presumably] intelligent human being, walk in to a pub, see a bar stool with a full pint of beer, a half finished crossword, several scribbled notes and a pen all in front it, and think it’s reasonable to pick that bar stool up, take it away and sit on it?

Actually, I should probably be more specific. The only people who ever do this are women. Really, I’ve never seen a bloke do it before.

So, honestly, I’m asking, why would you do that?