All You Need Is Love

There’s an old truism that goes, ‘there’s someone out there for everyone.’

Which I’ve always thought to be so much sentimental drivel.

Or at least it’s possible that there might be someone out there for everyone, but some people are such completely useless failures as human beings that the only people out there for them would be so disastrously awful themselves that quite likely neither of them could tolerate the sight or idea of one another.

But, as the Taps is often wont to do, that particular assumption has been turned inside out and spun on its head.

Dizzy then, I relate the following.

As I arrived at the Taps last night I was greeted by the peculiar sight of Adam and Colin tucked as far against the wall in the corner behind the hatch as they possibly could, and Daryl stood at the bar with a gapped toothed woman hanging off him, and Irena vehemently having a go at the woman for trying to chat up her husband.

Now in the unlikely event that Jude should be reading this, I have to point out that 1. The gapped toothed women was insane (and had a missing tooth at the front of her teeth) and Daryl was doing his very best to extricate himself from the situation and 2. Daryl absolutely isn’t involved in a bigamist marriage with yourself and Irena.

Anyway, you can quite see how this would be a completely strange scene to be greeted with at a half past seven on a Monday evening after a hard day at work. 

So Daryl managed  to get away from Miss Insano to go outside for a cigarette, and Irena continues her argument with the insane gapped toothed woman for a while, until when Daryl comes back we all join Colin and Adam huddled in the corner behind the hatch and leave gap tooth at the bar by herself.

And here I get to the romantic heart of the matter.

At this point a random bloke who had been sitting at a table watching all of this gets up and stands next to the woman and they get talking.

The entirety of their conversation being:

Gap tooth: ‘Where do you live?’

Geordie Man: ‘Ponders End.’

Gap tooth: ‘Me too. I’ve just ordered a cab. You look like a drinker – and I don’t mean that in a bad way – do you want to come home with me?’

Geordie Man: ‘Well I’ve just got this pint. How long can you wait?’

Gap tooth: Two minutes.’

Geordie Man: Alright, hang on.’

Now, romantic that I am, I resolutely choose to believe that one of those people didn’t end up strangled, chopped up into small pieces and fed to flee ridden cats. I choose to believe that the Taps brought two people together. I choose to believe that on a random night in Enfield, romance won out over cynicism and [possible] murder in Ponders End.