I’ve written before about Passport to the Pub – which is a guide book to the British Pub mainly written for [I assume] American tourists.
It’s quite an interesting read in its entirety, actually – some of it more accurate than other parts, and all of it mildly amusing – such that I’ve never been entirely sure whether or not it’s supposed to be a parody or is meant seriously. Anyway, I thought that I would address (in red) some of the advice contained therein, with particular reference to how things work in the Taps Irish Bar. The below is from Chapter 3 – Making Contact.
To make friends with the natives and enjoy pub life, you need a basic understanding of the social composition of the pub tribe. To the uninitiated tourist, the people in the pub are just a blur of faces - we need to adjust the focus so that you can distinguish between different groups and identify key members of the tribe.
Well so far fair enough, I suppose.
The Manager
The manager, who may be referred to as the licensee, the landlord or landlady, the guv’nor or the host) is the head of the tribe, the high priest, the leader. The skills and personality of the publican influence every aspect of pub life. Even if you never meet the publican, the atmosphere of the pub will tell you a great deal about his or her personal style. The manager is not, however, a dictator. The respect and loyalty of the tribe do not come automatically with the licence to sell drinks, but must be earned. Good managers are expert psychologists and diplomats, maintaining a delicate balance of friendly sociability and calm authority in all their relations with customers and staff.
Well where to start here? Where possibly to start without getting myself barred? Hmmm, indeed…Well, moral coward and spineless bar monkey that you know me to be, I’ll only say that with regard to the Taps this is mainly not really the case. Not really at all. Which is to say, not at all, at all.
How to spot the manager
Dress
Managers do not come conveniently labelled. In many pubs, the manager will be dressed in much the same manner as the staff, and will be seen performing exactly the same tasks - serving behind the bar, collecting glasses, emptying ashtrays, etc. In pubs where the bar staff wear a uniform, the Manager may be dressed differently, but in most pubs you will have to rely on more subtle clues.
Well to be fair, this is true enough, except to say that while the Manager will be dressed in much the same manner as the other staff, she will be wearing substantially less of it than everyone else.
Customers’ behaviour
First, watch the behaviour of other customers. Regulars will almost always greet the Manager when they enter the pub. The Manager is likely to be the person behind the bar whom everybody seems to know. These factors could apply equally, however, to a popular member of bar staff, so when you have identified a likely publican, you will need to observe his or her behaviour more closely.
Now, in the Taps this really isn’t the case, as regulars know all the staff [and all the staff know all the regulars] and will always greet whoever’s working.
Social roles
Both the staff and the Manager will be seen moving around the pub, exchanging a few friendly words with customers while collecting glasses and wiping tables. But the Manager is likely to stop for longer conversations with customers during this process than the bar staff. This is not because Managers are lazy or easily distracted from their duties, but because this is an important part of their role. The Manager is the ‘host’, and a good host must do more than keep his or her guests supplied with food and drink. You will notice that a good Manager does not show favouritism by spending excessive time with one customer or group, but gives all the regulars more or less equal shares of his or her attention. Watch carefully, and you will see that while the Manager chats amicably with the customers, he or she frequently glances around the pub, keeping an eye on who is coming in the door, noting what is happening at the bar or in a secluded corner.
Yeah…this isn’t really the case at all. Moving on….
Status signals
If you are in doubt, watch for the person who appears to have no difficulty in commanding the attention of staff and customers. The Manager generally does not have to raise his or her voice to attract attention, and a quiet word, or even a look or gesture, will elicit a quick response from members of staff.
I think, to be fair, this is true enough. The Dictator Manager of the Taps is respected by the staff and doesn’t really have a great deal of difficulty eliciting a quick [obviously ‘quick’ is relative when talking about Charlie] response. That said, the concept of a ‘quiet word’ is well…moving on…..
How to spot the regulars
Position
In a local pub, established regulars will usually be sitting or standing at the bar counter, or seated at tables near to the bar. Unless they have a particularly private matter to discuss, regulars generally like to be at or near the main site of social interaction. They will chose positions close to the bar, from which they can communicate easily with other key members of the tribe. In some locals, certain regulars may sit at the same table or on the same bar-stool every night. If a person frowns at you for no apparent reason on entering the pub, you may be occupying ‘his’ seat.
This is pretty much spot on. In fact I was talking to Jade about this the other day and noted that the only 100% undisputed regular who doesn’t sit at the bar is Scottish Richard. It’s entirely unprecedented really. I mean there are some people who don’t sit at the bar, who might be considered to be regulars by some members of staff (like some of the Civic Centre lot who come in on a Thursday), but not necessarily by all of them or by all of the regulars, but with Scottish Richard there’s absolutely no doubt that he’s a regular, and he always sits down at a table.
As to the sitting in someone’s seat bit, well I know that’s me. I know it’s annoying. I know it’s selfish. I know I’m a twat.
Thank you for putting up with me.
Body language
The posture of regulars will be relaxed and comfortable, indicating that they feel thoroughly at home in the pub.
In a crowd waiting to be served at the bar, the regulars will be those adopting a more relaxed posture, not trying so hard to find the best position or catch the barman’s eye. Regulars know that they will be noticed by the publican or bar staff, and do not have to exert themselves to attract attention.
If you see the publican or bar staff pouring a drink for a person and handing it over without any order being given, you know that person is a regular. Bar staff will sometimes start pouring a regular’s drink as soon as he or she comes through the door.
This is all pretty accurate – for many of us – as we often joke, the Taps is pretty much our front room, equally I hope that for the most part none of us do go mad waiting for a drink , or at least I hope it is. I know that as soon as I catch someone’s eye I’ll be served and am pretty happy to leave it at that.
Equally, the staff all know what the regulars drink and if not already pouring it when you come in, are on the start line with glass in hand and a ready, ‘Stella Barry?’
Names
The publican and bar staff all address the regulars by name; regulars address the bar staff, publican and each other by name. In fact, you may notice that names are used rather more often than is strictly necessary, emphasising the familiarity and personal connections between members of the pub tribe.
You know, I hadn’t really thought about it, but I think this might be true.
Banter
If a customer appears to be rude or sarcastic to the bar staff - making remarks such as "Anytime this year will do" while waiting to be served, or "Look at the state of these ashtrays, you slob!" - and receives similarly insulting comments in return, without any sign of real anger, you can safely conclude that he or she is a regular.
True.
Initiating contact
To initiate contact with these various members of the pub tribe, you need to know the correct etiquette of introduction - the best places and times to strike up a conversation with a regular or publican, and the appropriate forms of address.
Do stand or sit at or near the bar. This is the most ‘public’ area of the pub, and people lingering at the bar after they have bought their drinks are likely to be the most approachable. People sitting at tables may find your approach intrusive.
True – although that said I personally would prefer it if you didn’t try and talk to me.
Don’t try to engage the publican or bar staff in conversation when others are waiting to be served. Also remember that even when the bar is not busy, publicans and staff have other tasks to perform - such as collecting glasses, loading the dishwasher, re-stocking the shelves, etc. - and may not always be free to indulge in lengthy chats.
This makes sense to me, but it’s something the bar staff will have to address. I suppose the bottom line is ‘just try and be a normal decent human being.’ If you see that someone’s working, stop talking to them. If the person you’re talking to is clearly uncomfortable, stop talking to them. Just try and be normal.
Do make use of traditional rituals. Offer a drink to the publican or member of staff who serves you - using the customary "and one for yourself" formula. You can, of course, strike up a conversation with bar staff without buying them a drink, but this friendly gesture will certainly be appreciated. If you have a foreign accent, your use of the correct form of words – indicating an unusual knowledge of pub etiquette – may be a pleasant surprise and instant talking-point.
I assume that being offered a drink is better than not being, but again, this is one for the bar staff to answer. Would you find this a bit strange? If I was in a pub I’d never been in before and got talking to the staff it’s what I’d do after a while.
Don’t be shy. In local pubs, foreign tourists are a novelty, and the natives are likely to be just as interested in you as you are in them. Regulars may well be bored with seeing the same old faces, and will often welcome a diversion, so do not be afraid to take the initiative in talking to them. (If any native does not want to chat, he or she will soon make this clear by answering in monosyllables or by non-verbal signals such as turning away, avoiding eye-contact etc.)
Again, this is pretty much on the money. But that said, I’d still prefer it if you didn’t speak to me.
Do approach lone drinkers rather than couples or groups. But if you are male, avoid approaching lone females (and vice-versa), as this may be misinterpreted. Watch for ‘open’ body-language. Initiate conversation with regulars who are standing or sitting facing outwards into the room, perhaps leaning back slightly and looking around them.
I suppose this is true.
The object is to ‘drift’ gradually into conversation, as though by accident. If the person seems happy to chat with you - giving longish answers, asking questions in return, maintaining eye-contact, etc. - you should still curb any urges to introduce yourself. Instead, offer a drink, but avoid using the word ‘buy’: say "Can I get you a drink?" or "Can I get you another?"
Again, this is pretty good advice. But again, don’t talk to me.
When you find a pub that you like, try to go back a few times. There is a saying in some very friendly pubs: "You come here twice, you’re a regular". Two visits will not, in fact, qualify you for the all social rights and privileges of a long-established regular, but it does indicate a warm and welcoming approach. After a few visits to a friendly local, you may well experience some of the joys of being a regular: you may be welcomed by name, offered your ‘usual’ drink and included in the general chat and banter.
Certainly in the Taps two visits won’t do it unless, that is, you’re possessed of a vast wit and a magnetic personality. It will take some work and some time, but [if you have nothing much else going on in your life], I think it’s well worth it.
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