LEGAL

Our little boozer has been going through some strange days. They’re not over but it feels like they are at least beginning to draw to a close, and not a moment too soon. It has been exhausting.

Ever since some mystery bastard made the conscious decision to actively try and ruin someone else’s whole life, it’s seemed like we’ve been lurching from one crisis to the next. OK, maybe that’s a little dramatic - we’ve been trudging from one mishap to another.

But as I said it’s been exhausting. Particularly for me and the rest of the staff, because in our position (i.e. behind the bar) people expect us to have some sort of inside track on what the hell’s going on. I rarely do. However, that doesn’t stop the questions from coming…

Where’s the Russian? Why is she gone? Where’s my pint? Who’s the new manager? Does he only have one shirt? Why is he being a knob? What do you mean no lime? Is it a boycott? Where did the new manager go? Where’s my pint? Have you got the Celtic game on? What’s your problem? Didn’t I give you a twenty? How much!? Where did Des and Terry go? Do you want a crisp? Can you turn it up a bit? Can I have a crisp? Can you turn it down a bit? Who’s in charge here? Where’s my pint? As I’m sure you can imagine… It’s been a living hell.

On Tuesday phase one of the recovery was initiated. With any luck, by Christmas everything will be back to normal and The Taps will rise from the ashes like a sausage that’s fallen through the grill. I, for one, couldn’t be happier for The Taps’ newest British citizen. And the sooner she stops skiving off the better – it’s been 10 months, already… GET BACK TO WORK!