You Can Blame the BBC I-Player for This One

I’ve been told on two separate occasions by two separate people (each of whom you all know very well and will have varying degrees of respect for their insights and opinions), that when I ask a question of someone I do so only to, respectively, argue with the answer that I’ve been given, and to use it as a platform from which to wax lengthy and dull on the subject myself.

And to those charges I can only say: it’s a fair cop Guv. Slap on the old silver bracelets and haul me away to the clink. Won’t ‘cause no trouble, Mister, honest.

(That’s how I talk)

Anyway, I bring this up because….

Do you guys know what morphic resonance, is?

No?

Oh well then, allow me to explain. Some scientists (by some I mean one, and by scientist I mean Dr Who) postulate the idea that, through a telepathic effect or sympathetic vibration, an event at one point in the world (or anywhere within the field) or act can lead to similar simultaneous acts occurring somewhere else in the field then, or in the future, that an idea conceived in one mind can then arise in another – or more – people’s mind at exactly the same time somewhere else within the field.

Which is to say that human beings share a kind of low level sub-harmonic psychic field with one another in much the same way that we take for granted animals (e.g. migrating birds) do.

Cool stuff, no?

Ok, only me.

Anyway, I bring this up because I was recently talking to an old friend of mine and she mentioned that last Thursday night (in Hackney) she was absolutely and unaccountably hammered – and this got me thinking, because last Thursday I (in Enfield) was also absolutely and unaccountably hammered – as indeed were my brother, Charlie and Gareth.

Unaccountably.

In general things aren’t normally unaccountable. They’re improbably or implausible. They’re coincidental and pernicious.

But they’re not unaccountable.

They’re just…well they’re just difficult to explain.

And so, following Sherlock Holme’s famous aphorism, ‘when you have eliminated all that is impossible, then whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth’ – why then naturally the only possible explanation for different people who were all drinking in different pubs to all be more drunk than they’d originally intended, had – HAD - to be morphic resonance.

I mean it’s obvious innit Guv’nor.

Think about it.

Thursdays have taken on a lethal will of their own.

Like Skynet or Herbie the Love Bug (which we now know was actually an allegory about Aids).

This idea that ‘Thursdays are the start of the weekend’ has taken hold across the country even though Thursday is quite obviously not the start of the weekend.

Friday evening is the start of the weekend.

It’s like saying celery is the start of the weekend.

Or Bob from marketing.

Just saying it doesn’t make it true….what makes it true is people acting like it’s true. And all it takes is enough people somewhere within the field to act as though it’s true and to believe it to be true, and that idea will resonate all across the morphic field.

A quite literal self-fulfilling prophecy.

So my friends, next Friday morning when you roll into work at 9.50am, stinking of flavoured vodka [and shame] and wearing last night’s lamb kebab on your shoes, and your boss asks you what on earth you think you’re playing at, well you just look him straight in the eye and you reply: morphic resonance, boss, morphic resonance.