I present these as a draft for further discussion just based on some preliminary brainstorming.
That being the case, these are all up for review, expansion, negotiation and mediation.
They’re also not in any particular order.
- Bar Stools are for sitting on. They are not for your coat or your handbag or your shopping.[1]
- When you order your drink, always say please and thank (or some variation thereon) to the bar staff.
- Don’t put your money on the bar. Put it in the bar staff’s hand.[2]
- Do not tell someone the answer to a crossword clue without first asking their permission.
- Don’t try and push in at the bar. You know who was waiting before you.
- Anyone caught spitting on the stairs or anywhere else in the premises will be thrown down said stairs and water boarded in the toilet.[3]
- If you see a paper, an unfinished pint, a pen, a pack of cigarettes, change and a phone in front of a bar stool, it means that bar stool is occupied. Do not take it away and sit on it.
- If you are ordering a round, order your Guinness first, not at the end.
[1] I suppose that exceptionally, it’s reasonable to put your coat/bag on a stool when the pub is empty, but as soon as there are less than 3 stools left, you must remove them.
[2] If you let the bar staff know that you leaving the money on the bar because you’re going out for a cigarette or are popping down to the loo, that’s alright.
[3] This isn’t a joke. Whoever it is doing that, just fucking stop it. It’s disgusting. You are an animal.
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