Nemesis

In Greek mythology Nemesis was the Goddess of divine retribution who met out her punishments against those who succumb to hubris – which is to say arrogance (in an existential kind of way towards life/the universe/God etc).  The Greeks being very big on punishing pride and hubris and all that (which, when you think about it, is actually quite an English trait in a red top tabloid kind of way).

And life being such as it is, and men’s (in a all mankind sense of the word) pride being such that it is, I have been brought low by Nemesis (in the many forms that she takes) on several occasions through my life. She has been a constant visitor for many years. Leaving often, but always, ever, returning…..

There's a guy in the Taps who hates me.

[yeah, why don't you try and narrow it down for us you dick]

This, I'm sure, won't come as any particular surprise to those of you who have met me and inevitably came away hating my guts. Indeed, as my favourite teacher once said to me, 'Richard, to know you is to hate you. Basically, you're a dick.'

[Which I thought was a little unfair for parents evening at a primary school]

Anyway, this guy - and shall we call him WST - really hates me.

Which I actually don't mind all that much - that is, I don't mind the idea of being hated. In fact I really don't even mind the actuality of being hated. But what I do mind is being hated for no good reason (particularly when there are so many good reasons to hate me).

WST hates me because he thinks I'm a thief.

(And just to be clear - for all my faults and failings - I'm not a thief)

Now, why does he think that? I genuinely have absolutely no idea. None at all. But he's 100% convinced of it, and he hates me for it. I mean this guy genuinely despises me. And, as I say, I have absolutely no problem with him hating me, but at least hate me for a proper reason. Not some completely spurious bollocks about me being a thief which he's vomited up from the fetid dark pits of his retarded northern brain - not some ridiculous hatred that's just come from absolutely no-where. In fact I was completely flabbergasted when I first found out about it. Particularly as I found out in such an odd fashion.

One Tuesday night I was sat at the hatch as usual and WST was sat at a table (we, along with Deon, were the only people in the pub), and he got up from the table to go outside for a cigarette. As he  walked past the hatch he stopped and put a tenner on the bar next to me and said to Deon, 'can you do me a Guinness, I'll leave the money there' then he walks off - stops in the middle of the pub, has a little think to himself - turns and looks at me for a long moment, then walks back, picks up the tenner and says to Deon 'oh, on second thoughts I'll give you the money when I come back' - glares meaningfully at me again for about five seconds and walks outside to smoke.

So I said to Deon, 'what the fuck was that all about?' and she goes: 'oh yeah, he told me and Irena that you're a thief.'

Quite aside from the fact that neither Irena or Deon thought this was information worth imparting to me, what…what the holy fuck?

How has he come to this bizarre conclusion that I'm a thief and that therefore he should hate me and strive to make my life a misery?

How?

Look, as you know, I'm no stranger to forming deep seated and long lasting [mainly irrational - the operative word being mainly] hatreds of people (in fact I hated Sophie for about two years…actually that's unfair, I didn't hate her…I despised her very being….and it was probably more like 3 years). I'm all for all encompassing mainly irrational hatreds. It’s healthy.

But there has to be a modicum, a kernel, a fucking fig leaf of logic about it. Not just random crap you make up on the spot.

It's just so entirely – so toweringly – so ridiculously - unjust.  Why can’t that stupid fuckhead just hate me for an actual real reason? Is that so much to ask? It’s not like there aren’t a few to choose from. But no, this guy’s decided to make my life a misery for no reason at all.

So now here I am, locked in a triple threat death match for control of the Perryman with a man with the body of a deformed monkey and all the charm of rape.

And why?

Why, my houseguest, Nemesis, and my downfall, pride.