Believe me, I know that I’m a broken record permanently stuck on complain, but I can only write about the things which occur to me. And those are mainly driven by the notable things that happen in the pub. I’m a hostage to circumstances in that respect. And if sometimes I’m overly critical, misanthropic and inappropriately bombastic it’s only because I’m a bit of a spanner and I can’t help myself.
So, if Saturday afternoon felt like watching an unbroken procession of complete and utter twats come in the pub it’s difficult not to comment on it (especially after Thursday’s events). I swear it must have been a full moon or something because On Saturday as one random nutter/wrong ‘un left, another one would immediately arrive to take his place. It was like a Jeremy Kyle relay team.
Now there was one bloke in particular who came in who was just a horrible piece of work. Drunk, obnoxious, coked up and just spoiling for a fight. I mean literally this guy just wanted to bash somebody (anybody) up and he wasn’t even bothered about trying to manufacture a spurious reason to do so beyond walking up to random people and saying ‘oh, do you want a fucking fight then?’ – to which of course the correct response is, ‘not right now thanks, I’m fine for the moment.’
But the worst thing about this whole situation was that his friends knew what he was like before he started any of this.
Adam knew one of the people he was with (who himself was about a 7.6 on the wrong’ un scale) from Primary School, and I was listening to Adam talking to him about this bloke and this guy kept on saying of him that he was a lovely bloke most of the time except that when he got drunk he got aggressive and could be a bit naughty (which I assure you is his word and not mine).
Now Gareth was working [and this is the reason that I could never work behind a bar. I’d just be too scared being on my own. I mean I’ve seen grown men shout and swear at the girls behind the bar (who as you know are absolutely lovely) before so you can only assume that such scummage wouldn’t have any compunction about doing something far worse to a bloke who asked them to take their hat off or refused to serve them because they were too drunk] and these guys kept going outside with their drinks (when they quite clearly knew that they weren’t allowed to) and Gareth had to keep going to get them back from them, and this one particular guy (the utter wanker) kept singing Spurs songs really loudly and just in general being an obnoxious twat.
So Gareth eventually goes over and asks him to keep it down and this bloke (Adam’s old friend from school) turns to Adam and comments, ‘he really wants to be politer about the way he says things to him.’
[It goes without saying that Gareth had immediately clocked that this guy was a complete wrong ‘un and that being the case if anything was being even more polite, genial and friendly about the matter than he normally would have been].
Adam asks him why and this bloke just shrugs and goes, ‘well because he’s likely just to grab him.’
Unfuckingbelievable.
Look, I’m sorry to keep saying it, but I just don’t understand some people. They seriously might as well come from a completely different planet from me for all that I understand their thought processes.
I mean, here you are. You know that your friend, when drunk, will want to beat up people for no good reason, so what do you do? Well of course you go out drinking with him, let him get really drunk and then just stand around (and indeed, casually discuss the matter as though it was no big deal that he might just kick off on some poor bloke just doing his job), watching him do it as though it were normal.
What manner of pure human shittage must you be that you think that’s a reasonable thing to do? I mean seriously, you know that if this bloke gets drunk he’ll beat someone up, so what do you? You get drunk with him and then calmly stand there watching him trying to start a fight with every random person in the pub (while saying what a lovely bloke he normally is).
I’m just at a complete loss of what to make of these people. I don’t know what planet they’re from but I wish they’d stop visiting ours.
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