Having worked behind a bar for what seems like forever there are certain behaviours that I simply cannot abide. So from time to time (and in no particular order) I will be laying down the law, as it were, with some basic pub rules. Here are the first batch;
1. If the pub is busy and you're in a large group, know what you want before bellowing at the staff to serve you. Morons like you who order one drink at a time are the reason it takes ages to get a drink.
2. Just because you know a member of staffs name, and have the ability to shout it repeatedly does not mean that you must be served next.
3. If you order the wrong drink, you have to pay for a new one.
4. If you drop or spill your drink, you have to pay for a new one.
5. If you leave your drink unattended and someone else takes it, you have to pay for a new one.
6. Waving money only attracts strippers. Stop it.
7. If you see someone carrying two crates of beer through a crowded pub and you are in their way - move.
8. If the bartender asks you if you want anything else and you say no, then your answer is final. Once you've paid for your drinks, that transaction is over and you go to the back of the queue. You had your chance.
9. If you walk into a pub after last orders, you will not get served. It doesn't matter how quick you'll be or how long you've trudged in the snow to get there. You will not get served. So take that idiotic 'I thought this place shut at 5am on a Tuesday' look off your face and leave.
10. If you're such a pathetic drinker that you have to vomit up all that booze that you paid for. Go outside. In fact, go home. No one wants anything to do with the bile soaked remains of the Spag Bol you had for dinner.
"9. If you walk into a pub after last orders, you will not get served. It doesn't matter how quick you'll be or how long you've trudged in the snow to get there. You will not get served. So take that idiotic 'I thought this place shut at 5am on a Tuesday' look off your face and leave."
ReplyDeleteThat made me laugh out loud.
Actually, with regard to #8, do you actually implement that?
ReplyDelete2.If the bartender asks you if you want anything else and you say no, then your answer is final. Once you've paid for your drinks, that transaction is over and you go to the back of the queue. You had your chance.
I mean someone asks for a pint and you serve them and give them their change and then they say, actually, can I have a packet of crisps as well please, you say 'no sorry, I have to serve these other people first and then I'll come back to you?'
Crisps, I'll allow. But 90% of the people that break rule 8 are the same halfwits that break rule 11:
ReplyDelete"11. If you want a Guinness, order it first. Not after the rest of your round has been put in front of you."
Which, of course, is entirely reasonable, but are you telling me that if someone does order a Guiness after you've given them their change you won't serve them?
ReplyDelete