Working behind a bar isn't as glamourous as it appears. Shocking I know, but it isn't just cocktail shakers and romps with beautiful ladies between banana daquiris. Yesterday afternoon, I had to remove all trace of a pile of freshly laid adult human faeces armed with nothing more than a plastic bag, a pair of rubber gloves, a can of air freshener and some tissue paper...
Now had one of my more senior regulars had some sort of accident after failing to reach the facilities in time, I would help them out as best i could. But the mystery donor of the pile of crap had managed to make his way down to the toilets - and rather than simply lift the lid and sitting down to deposit in time honoured fashion he decided to pinch one out on top of the closed lid.
I was clearly not the first person to happen upon the waste in question. Someone in their haste to use the crapper more conventionally lifted the lid and handled their business. Now I'm going to spare you the details but quite apart from the stench, the sight that assaulted me as i peeled the lid down will haunt me forever.
So just a thought... IF YOU'RE NOT POTTY TRAINED YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY OUT OF THE PUB. YOU ARE CLEARLY LACKING THE MENTAL CAPABILITIES THAT ALLOW HUMANS TO FUNCTION IN CIVILISED SOCIETY AND IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD FOCUS OR NOT FORGETTING TO BREATHE. Rant over.
While that was obviously a horrible thing for Gareth to have to witness and then clean up, it is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read in my life.
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